Someone I knows’ mother died recently which led me to wonder about death and life and the questions that inevitably lead on from pondering those two unknowns. Why do we die? Why do some die and some live?
I do not think it is about fair and unfair, or good and bad. I believe that we think we are more important, more superior than we are. We live, we die. There is no meaning. There is no heaven or hell or divine purpose for our existence. If believing in something such as this makes it easier for one to drudge through the monotony of life then all power to them, but I believe in not believing. We live to make life, and then we die.
I am not a smart man, mostly because I am a smart woman. And if you are ever going to take advice from this woman heed what I am about to type with my very smart fingers more than you’ve heeded anything in your heeding-filled life:
READ MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS.
If you don’t, I don’t really care unless I date you. I’m not going to be dating anyone for a long time, so the point is moot. Not mute like when you can’t hear out of your retardedly deaf ear, but moot – like the phrase “Good things come to those who wait.” Good things come to those who get off their fat ass and chase it with a sharpened spear and determination dripping from their brow.
I am the queen of tangents.
But back to the book. I thought I knew a thing or two about relationships, about effective communication and being a good partner. Let me tell you right this second – you know squat. This book is so insightful, so well written and engaging, so utterly readable even stupid people will take something from it.
Speaking of stupid people, I joined their ranks today my entrusting my lucious locks of chocolate perfection to a murderer who butchered me until I resembled vomit speckled shit. I have THE worst haircut, and here’s the cincher; I didn’t even WANT THE FUCKING HAIR CUT.
Now I’m hideous. Yes it will grow back, yes its not as as bad as I’m making out but when you’re a model and your job is to have your photo taken and you have photos of your previously AMAZING do EVERY MOTHER FUCKING WHERE, you can surely understand my sadness.
(You will notice me, in the post and in future posts, refer to ‘The book’. It will be from here on in be known as ‘The book’ because, to put it simply, there is no other book.)
The book says, and I know this is logical but the book brought it to the forefront of my mind, that when something goes bad it makes you view everything else through death coloured lenses. So that’s what I’m doing… *deep breath*
I’m so lonely. How can someone be in a world full of people and feel so alone. I feel like no one understands or can appreciate my life and how I feel on a day to day basis. I know my life is not horrendous, but there are things I wish i could confide to someone and have them say “Oh well I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been there!”
The people I know don’t know me, the people i don’t know don’t know me and the people I am only acquainted with don’t want to know me. How does one find the like minded with which to plant the friendship seed when one is from an extinct tree? or so it feels…
I read books, I watch TV, I dream of granduer and I sleep. In between I work and watch the world skip gleefully by me. Evereyone seems to be having fun and moving, evolving and smiling – and I am just standing, observing and wishing I was them. I am the person who complains of the heat whilst wearing a woolen jumper, but does not take it off. Not because he likes a reason to complain, quite the contrary, he just doesn’t know how to remove it.
Please take a look at PostSecret.blogspot.com. It never fails to make me smile, get teary, laugh, feel shocked – basically entertainment in blog form. And youtube about Christian the lion, and go to Banksy’s web site and view the video of the leopard, and give me a job where I can write about everything I hate.
Nobody really wants perfect. My idea of perfect is actually, imperfection. Because once you have what you want in what you believe to be its perfect form, you don’t really want it anymore. I buy a bag and once I buy it I am quite over it within a month. But if the bag threatened to run away, threatened to leave me to hang off the arm of another owner I would cherish my time with said bag oh so much more.
I am listening to ‘Clair de lune’ and as always I have become wistful, romantic and soppy. The notes are feathers on my skin, touching then alighting, back and forth back anf forth… Music has always been my friends when friends turn to enemies, enemies to arch nemises and lovers to losers. There are songs I can hear that take me straight back, as if in a time machine, to the day he called and told me he wanted another. My first high school boyfriend. My first highscool heartbreak. Long weepy nights and days alone in my room.
Oh gentle notes, would thou take mine hand and wisk mine heart aloft, to eternities without sorrow, centuries without pain, lifetimes luminescient with love…
Watch till the end, the slow mo makes me more scared than the actual vid… this is why i never want to scuba dive!
Sharks best/scariest creatures ever
You’re not a real fucking band unless you get high then go on stage then forget your own lyrics whilst trying to dodge your own dog.
Today was weird. I was crossing the road (the green man was flashing) and some crazy hoon in a red commodore curiously similar to the car my sister drives almost ran me over. I called her, and turns out it was her. In my town. At the exact place I was crossing the road. Imagine if she had of run me over, hahahaha.
My agent and I caught up today to create cinematic masterpieces of biblical proportions – aka casting videos to send to overseas agencies. Now I am having a hoot of a time trying to get them to upload so my head doesnt look weird. Maybe its just my head and not the video…
Tomorrow I have Shell/yLuke/Rosie’s going away party. It will be good to see them before they leave, for a WHOLE YEAR. Goodness me.
Katie thinks that this economic crisis/swine flu is just a huge conspiracy. Create a crisis, milk trust from the masses through bfear and then be seen to fix what wasn’t there in the first place. Interesting and thought provoking.
kitographer says: (11:24:03 PM)
im not ogign anywhere
kitographer says: (11:24:10 PM)
i need more of you
kitographer says: (11:24:55 PM)
u so witty
kitographer says: (11:24:59 PM)
and titty
sometimes, life is good <3
My buckets got a whoooooole innit
April 25, 2009
The old adage “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” was recently spouted by an aquantence of mine who moved to Perth and missed her family immensely.
What if you don’t miss what’s gone? Does that mean it wasn’t important to you in the first place? I haven’t seen my mum or dad for over two years and those two years have been the happiest of my life. I don’t miss my parents, I don’t have ‘I wish you were here’ moments – I believe I made the right decision when i decided to emit them from my life.
People are always so shocked when I tell them I don’t speak to my mum or dad, but to me it’s the norm. When I lived with them i didn’t speak to them anyway. They were never really my parents, more like two people who got stuck witha child and decided to raise it. I was not born of love, more out of obligation. I have come to accept this and the love and affection that most people have with their parents is not something I miss, because you don’t miss what you never had in the first place.
What I want in a dude
April 24, 2009
Dear male population,
It has come to my attention that you are weeding out the decent guys and hiding them on DONTMARRYTHEWOMENWEWANTTOFUCK island. Well, I am here to tell you that yes, I am going to find one and fall in love with him.
These are the MUST HAVE’S for my Mr. Amazing.
In order of importance;
Passionate love for the one and only April T Chaplin
Sense of humor
Physical attraction
Super honest
An unquenchable thirst to see the world
Interests in TV, books, food, wine and other alcoholic beverages, partying (but not to excess)
Loving me for who I am first, and what I look like second
Ridiculous sexual chemistry
A conscience
Passionate about life and getting the most out of it
‘Try anything once’ mentality
If you ticked all of the above boxes, please don’t hesitate to contact me via the fate hot line: 1800loveboat.
